[identity profile] lanfykins.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] zg_shadows
It felt like broken glass.

All it took was one sharp tap in the right place. One sharp tap, and glass didn't bend, or dent, or chip. Tap. Shatter.

There was blood on her palm. She stared at it incomprehendingly, slivers of glass glittering in the artificial light. Stupid, Rae, stupid. There was a first aid kit in the kitchen. Go and get it, Rae.

Shards of glass grated inside her, like the jagged ends of a broken bone. She let her arm drop, let her head fall back against the threadbare sofa back.

"And what would you say to me if I started drinking?" Rebecca had asked her.

"But I'm not you," Rehema mumbled to the empty air, knowing it was true, it mattered in ways 'Becca refused to understand.

A cold nose nudged insistently against her arm, and she automatically patted the young dog, leaving bloody smears across his yellow coat. He took a step forward, sniffing at the whisky soaking into the carpet where the glass had smashed.

"No!" Rehema almost fell off the sofa as she surged to push him back. "No, Spot." She staggered to her feet, stumbled into the kitchen, found a tray she could use to cover the broken glass until she was coordinated enough to clear it up. Spot backed away, whining as he looked at her, uncertain what he'd done wrong, uncertain why she was acting so strangely.

"Sorry, Spot," she mumbled, ruffling his ears as she fell back onto her seat. She'd got the first aid kit now, but somehow all she could do now was stare at it.

She was better than this. She was stronger than this. They all said so. And if it were a matter of strength then maybe, maybe she'd be able to pick up the antiseptic and the bandages, and then she wouldn't be getting blood all over.

Broken glass. Like ice creaking and crackling beneath her when she tried to care about herself, when she tried to try. If you had a lever long enough you could move the world. If there was anywhere to stand.

She knew what was wrong.

She knew they'd never believe it.

Rehema grabbed the neck of the bottle and took another drink.

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