Judgement

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

There was the faintest hint of a shudder as the reed boat drove onto the bank and stopped, its prow buried deep in the rich black mud. Above the river bank, grain on the verge of harvest bowed beneath the breeze, covering the rolling hills in rippling gold for as far as the eye could see. Above them the sun burned yellow-white in a sky the blue of a child's painting.

"Uh, thanks."

The jackal-headed boatman inclined his head gravely, and Rehema stepped out onto the bank, overbalancing slightly as her grubby trainers sank deep into the mud. By the time she had reached solid ground and looked back, the god was gone. She turned back towards the hill. Two figures now stood before her, dark-skinned and shaven-headed, each wearing pleated white robes of office ornamented with gold. She had seen them before - twice, now - and now as before she took a deep breath and straightened before them despite her desire to turn and run.

"Rae Mackenzie," they said in unison, and her heart sank. "Have you accomplished what was laid on you to accomplish, the last time we spoke?"

"Not... really," she admitted. "Um. No. Not as such."

"Why not?" asked the figure on the left, folding his arms.

"Um. I don't know. It was... I tried. But when they killed Kieran, it was like everything fell apart. Like I could see what I should do, I just couldn't... It was like trying to walk on broken legs."

"You failed before that," stated the same figure.

"I..." Rehema looked down at the short grass beneath her feet. "Yeah. When the Firebreaks died."

"You hid your weakness from those who could have helped you."

"I..." Rehema frowned with concentration. "I don't think I did," she said at last, carefully. "Rebecca and Mark... they're not really people people. They'd've meant well, but... and anyway, they had their own shit to deal with, and Mark... Mark'd done a fuck of a lot for me as it was, y'know? And if I'd told Daniel he'd've pretty much had to sack me, but I was still... I was still doing stuff."

"Rebecca," said the other figure, suddenly. "What of Rebecca?"

"What?" said Rehema, confused.

No clarification was forthcoming. Both Judges watched her patiently. At last she continued talking, carefully feeling her way. "Rebecca... Rebecca's OK. She does her best, and she gets impatient and frustrated with people. She's been... yeah, when she shouted at me, that really hurt, but she's going through some shit... what with getting stuck in hell..." Rehema bit her lip "...and the Jason thing. She needs someone to be there, but, y'know, there isn't anyone."

"What about you?" asked the Judge on the left.

"I can't," Rehema said quickly, feeling the panic rise up inside her.

"Can't or won't?"

Daniel had asked the same thing, and she felt an odd sense of deja-vu as she gave the same answer. "Can't. I just can't. People keep asking me, and I can't. Not right now."

The Judges exchanged a glance as Rehema stood, staring at them, breathing quickly.

"Yet you turned the storm," said the one on the right.

"Yeah." Rehema frowned again. "There was... I didn't have to be together, y'know? There was just... it had to be done, and I could do it." She hesitated. "It really hurt," she admitted, and she did not mean the physical side-effects of channeling the power.

"Your soul has been damaged," said the right-hand Judge. "It is no longer fit for purpose."

Rehema looked down. Tears stung her eyes. She thought of Susanne, slowly coming to grips with the supernatural. She thought of Rebecca, not knowing how to deal with her hurt and lashing out at anything that threatened her precarious balance. She thought of Daniel, asking her how he could keep his outreach manager.

"Um," she said tentatively, greatly daring. "Can you fix it?"