zg_shadows | Counting down the days

There’s a day on my calendar marked with a black spot, I’m counting down the days until then. The sense of anticipation is making me feel sick and everything is so uncertain. I don’t know whether to go back to college in a couple of weeks like I’m meant to, whether to get up and go to work in the morning, whether to bother with anything before that day. You see, I might not be here after that if it all goes wrong.

Then again I might be, even if the worst happens. I’ve got too much still to do; I’m not ready to die yet and I’m so worried that I’ll hold on somehow and end up like you. Not that there’s anything wrong with you but I couldn’t bear to be stuck like that bothering Tolly for the rest of his life. It wouldn’t be fair. Then what happens when he’s gone and I’m left wandering a cold grey London with only my shadow for company? No, I don’t think that’s a good idea at all.

That’s the problem with being who I am; it takes all the surprise out of the after life. I know that ghosts exist and that for the most part they are miserable buggers, yourself excepted of course. Not only that: I know that ascension happens, oh yes, it’s true. Keep on trying sweetheart and you’ll get there eventually. I’ll help if I can. If you can ascend there must be something better afterwards, which means there is probably somewhere worse for me if I don’t hang around looking pale and interesting. I don’t think I’m the sort for heaven and it’s a bit too late to repent of my sins. The priest would be there for weeks.

Well, thanks for listening. I best get down, it’s getting quite gusty up here and unlike you I don’t want to fall. Try not to ju… oh, too late. Ah well, you’ll be back up in a minute. Poor thing, you just can’t help it can you?