zg_shadows | When evening is spread out across the sky, like a patient etherised upon the table

It takes six days to walk from London to Lyme Regis, even in the Umbra. I had to avoid the towns - too much taint, too many drones. Towns aren't safe for a rat on her own. I could have begged a favour from the 'kin I suppose, but they wouldn't understand. She's not family to them.

Six days back London after she died, then six days back again by a different route. Thirteen days in all if you count the one I spent in blissfull forgetfulness in his arms. He'd probably have driven me if I asked, but it seemed more appropriate this way; like a kind of penance - after all it was Tolly and I that caused her death. It's not our fault, but we are responsible.

He didn't come: he can't, not really. I didn't even ask. I can stay hidden - who's going to be looking for a rat at a funeral? But he can't; not anymore.

I missed it in the end. Thirteen days is too long. It's not like they needed much of an autopsy - if they even bothered with one. I don't know who sorted out the service, it can't have been anyone who knew her well. I managed to root out an order of service from a bin near the church - they read that stupid Rossetti poem that she always hated. Mum always said... always said she wanted 'Do not go gently'. I told her it was clichéd, she said she knew but she didn't care, she liked it.

The headstone isn't in place yet, there hasn't even been time for the soil to settle over her. I wonder what it will say? "Here lies Janet Oakley, faithful wife of a murdering rapist bastard and loving mother of her killers.' That's what they want isn't it? For the world to believe we did it? For people to believe my father would ever raise more than his voice in anger? Tolly's wrong - dad's not better off in prison. I know what they do to people who rape young girls. Poor kid, it was wrong of them to mix her up in this. Another innocent life destroyed because of us.

I used to think that somehow I was better than the Nation, that I didn't have blood on my hands, but that isn't true. We all have, one way or another. Just by knowing about this world you put everyone you love in danger. Well no more. I couldn't save her, and I can't save Dad, but I'm not abandoning Tolly. Not now.