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annwfyn.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
zg_shadows2007-11-19 12:05 pm
annwfyn.livejournal.com) wrote in zg_shadows2007-11-19 12:05 pm
Into the dark...
It's dark in the labyrinth.
Right now it's quiet, but I know that'll change soon. Once I head further in, the screaming will start again. It doesn't bother me in quite the same way it used to bother the others. Rather, it reminds me of an Esbat, or maybe a Black Mass. Standing down there, I remember what it felt like to be twenty again, burning with a desire to go as deep into the dark as I could, just because no one had gone there before.
I'm older now, but that urge is still the same.
There's a lot more to me now than there was then. I've had a dozen different names, and half a dozen different faces. I've had a boy with soft eyes tell me he cares for me, and I've stood in the sunlight and seen Helios smiling down. It's been a long time since I've been up to my elbows in blood and guts, and even longer since I've had to stare at my own soul and seen it coated in spiritual ichor. I can't even remember the last time I woke up sweating because of a demon in my dreams.
But that urge is still there. Down there is darkness, and places that no one has ever come back from. There are old secrets, stories that were whispered into the darkness a thousand years ago. Down there is the last part of Michael Varek, and his treasury of old sins that no one but me will ever have a chance in hell of knowing.
And it turns out that at the core, that's what I am.
I need to go there. I need it more badly than I need life, breathe, or love. It's like a fisherman's hook inside me. I know I probably won't make it back. Heck, the odds are that even my soul will be lost down here. I'll be a cautionary tale that the Corvus tell the fledglings; don't go beyond your limits, accept that some secrets are beyond us. But I've got to go.
I'm the eyes of Gaia, and her face has been turned from this place for too long.
I smile a smile that no one has seen in a long time. Then I start walking into the darkness...
Right now it's quiet, but I know that'll change soon. Once I head further in, the screaming will start again. It doesn't bother me in quite the same way it used to bother the others. Rather, it reminds me of an Esbat, or maybe a Black Mass. Standing down there, I remember what it felt like to be twenty again, burning with a desire to go as deep into the dark as I could, just because no one had gone there before.
I'm older now, but that urge is still the same.
There's a lot more to me now than there was then. I've had a dozen different names, and half a dozen different faces. I've had a boy with soft eyes tell me he cares for me, and I've stood in the sunlight and seen Helios smiling down. It's been a long time since I've been up to my elbows in blood and guts, and even longer since I've had to stare at my own soul and seen it coated in spiritual ichor. I can't even remember the last time I woke up sweating because of a demon in my dreams.
But that urge is still there. Down there is darkness, and places that no one has ever come back from. There are old secrets, stories that were whispered into the darkness a thousand years ago. Down there is the last part of Michael Varek, and his treasury of old sins that no one but me will ever have a chance in hell of knowing.
And it turns out that at the core, that's what I am.
I need to go there. I need it more badly than I need life, breathe, or love. It's like a fisherman's hook inside me. I know I probably won't make it back. Heck, the odds are that even my soul will be lost down here. I'll be a cautionary tale that the Corvus tell the fledglings; don't go beyond your limits, accept that some secrets are beyond us. But I've got to go.
I'm the eyes of Gaia, and her face has been turned from this place for too long.
I smile a smile that no one has seen in a long time. Then I start walking into the darkness...
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