zg_shadows | frayers diary

i suck, sooo suck.

mark could not be convinced to take even a tiny brake from his work. yes i know its inportant, and so is seeing to your self. it hurts to see him so tired, to read between the lines and pain....oh gods.

rahama was evil, well not evil, but EVIL. that wonam knows how to shift a conversation about, did she intend her words? or was i so blinded with the cuts to see her own double edged knife. it started the ball rolling, the down ward spiral. i should have lissioned to my heart, left. but no i had to be stubbon and hassle mark a little more. dam head and brick walls would have hurt less. i know from expronce.

good point need a good point. oh yes i kept my ball on the table of pool with danul and he was so kind about my lack of abilaty. see not much of a good point. i suck at being normal. sooo badly. still get yelled at for not thinking. ha for once i would like them to see inside, past the air head mask. its not easy to ..... its not easy ok.

i broke.

danul cought me. it cost that i had to intrupt the teaching of another. see me miss lesions in how to be a better persion. it was so hard to ask for the little favour, hes warm. reminds me of freah bread and butter.

there was this skary man, no taste to him. oh flesh and blood but how can you be real with no emoshions. how can you be real with a mailstorm of emoshion. hes got some circus to do and gave out tickets. ha i wont be taking that offer. i would love the distraction. but he... he frightens me. something makes me want to curl up. his forsight is, very right on. no one knows of my line. not once have i spoke my famolys name, not once. i walked away ITS PAST i tell you i wont be...............

i suck at this thing, but i did find out that its not just the meatings. i promis the bar/owner lady i would not return and upset the customers again. maybe i will not return to the small group of my brotherin. nooooo thay are not familloy nooo i cant get atached.

yes retreat, hide. hidding is goodsome place they will never find me. but ware. where can i go hanging my head in shame, for i could not ....could not do a simpole task. i died given a second chance to do good, even powers that i have never used or know how to. see frayer the failer.